Back to Normal?

This slump I've fallen into of feeling blah and doing nothing hasn't gone away. Though, I did thoroughly clean the bathroom and the bedroom and some other chores, which I've been rather slack at. And it was, invigorating. I'm anticipating the arrival of a friend and meeting her new husband.

I haven't had "fun" in YEARS. Truthfully, I'm miserable in Indiana. I'm so far away from doing anything. And going from a lifestyle of going out every week and having a lot of friends around all the time, to NEVER going out. I'm excited and happy to go grocery shopping. And I have zero friends here. Kevin and I nag each other. And Chase is pretty much solely my responsibility 24-7. I have to force Kevin to play with us and beg him to watch him for a few minutes so I can do dishes in peace.

So yeah, I'm still depressed. And it's not just hormones. Though that was definitely a catalyst. I need a break. Hopefully, the arrival of my friends tomorrow will knock me out of the monotony of my life and get me motivated to do something again.

I'm so sick of being home. Just even an outing to this other park which is only a few miles away would be nice. But Kevin has to play with Chase too. Not just sit at the benches while I follow him and play with him. I want to do family things.

Sometimes, Julieta, I'm so jealous of your family. All the blueberry picking and fun pics you guys have together. I take all the pictures. I have to force Kevin to on CHRISTMAS. It's so disheartening. And All this tension builds up in me. And Chase gets the backlash of it. My patience is thin as I selfishly want more time to myself. Therefore making Chase act out to get my attention. Bad attention. It's a self-perpetuating machine. I've been trying harder lately.

I really want to go out dancing. I used to dance every Thursday and walked 6 miles a day 5 times a week. The other 2 days, I'd go to restaurants, parties, shopping or friends would come over. Now, I sit at a computer and occasionally we go for walks around this very small, sidewalk devoid town. I love walking. But here I have nowhere to walk, nowhere to walk to and don't really even want to bother. So now I'm about 40lbs heavier than the heaviest I'd ever been before. Which only adds extra lbs to the depression.

I have 3 pairs of pants that fit me, one skirt and a few t-shirts. My boobs are still humongous and my belly goes over the top of my pants. Big, heavy sigh. It certainly didn't help eating Chase's leftovers, plus my meal. Now, I try to refrain from fixing myself a meal until he's finished his. And I'm eating tomato sandwiches and boiled eggs. Other stuff too, of course. Not attempting my own version of the Kimkins starvation method.

Well, that's enough happy rambling for now. I need to entertain myself.