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Happy to inform that I do not need to wean Isabella. Whew! That's a relief because that little girl is certainly not ready.

I might have to wean. I've been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and have to go on beta-blockers. The crazy thing, is that at 31 yrs old, it's pretty rare to have this... especially since I'm so healthy otherwise.

The doctor has to call me back to let me know if I can nurse while taking these. If I can't nurse Isabella, then I need to wean her before starting the medication.

I really wanted Isabella to wean herself, like her brother did when he was 24 months. It's going to be so hard if I have to wean her. She won't understand why mommy won't give her milk... it's going to be painful. But I know I have to do it... having a mommy is more important that having breastmilk at 17 months of age.

Back to Normal?

This slump I've fallen into of feeling blah and doing nothing hasn't gone away. Though, I did thoroughly clean the bathroom and the bedroom and some other chores, which I've been rather slack at. And it was, invigorating. I'm anticipating the arrival of a friend and meeting her new husband.

I haven't had "fun" in YEARS. Truthfully, I'm miserable in Indiana. I'm so far away from doing anything. And going from a lifestyle of going out every week and having a lot of friends around all the time, to NEVER going out. I'm excited and happy to go grocery shopping. And I have zero friends here. Kevin and I nag each other. And Chase is pretty much solely my responsibility 24-7. I have to force Kevin to play with us and beg him to watch him for a few minutes so I can do dishes in peace.

So yeah, I'm still depressed. And it's not just hormones. Though that was definitely a catalyst. I need a break. Hopefully, the arrival of my friends tomorrow will knock me out of the monotony of my life and get me motivated to do something again.

I'm so sick of being home. Just even an outing to this other park which is only a few miles away would be nice. But Kevin has to play with Chase too. Not just sit at the benches while I follow him and play with him. I want to do family things.

Sometimes, Julieta, I'm so jealous of your family. All the blueberry picking and fun pics you guys have together. I take all the pictures. I have to force Kevin to on CHRISTMAS. It's so disheartening. And All this tension builds up in me. And Chase gets the backlash of it. My patience is thin as I selfishly want more time to myself. Therefore making Chase act out to get my attention. Bad attention. It's a self-perpetuating machine. I've been trying harder lately.

I really want to go out dancing. I used to dance every Thursday and walked 6 miles a day 5 times a week. The other 2 days, I'd go to restaurants, parties, shopping or friends would come over. Now, I sit at a computer and occasionally we go for walks around this very small, sidewalk devoid town. I love walking. But here I have nowhere to walk, nowhere to walk to and don't really even want to bother. So now I'm about 40lbs heavier than the heaviest I'd ever been before. Which only adds extra lbs to the depression.

I have 3 pairs of pants that fit me, one skirt and a few t-shirts. My boobs are still humongous and my belly goes over the top of my pants. Big, heavy sigh. It certainly didn't help eating Chase's leftovers, plus my meal. Now, I try to refrain from fixing myself a meal until he's finished his. And I'm eating tomato sandwiches and boiled eggs. Other stuff too, of course. Not attempting my own version of the Kimkins starvation method.

Well, that's enough happy rambling for now. I need to entertain myself.

Weaning Himself

Chase is now 30 months old and has finally weaned himself. It's been about a week or so now since his last nursing. He's asked for "feed me" a few times when he was having trouble falling asleep on his own, but otherwise has not requested to nurse. He definitely wants more being held and attention now, though. And seems to have gotten more aggressive and temperamental.

And I've been feeling blah. Like I don't want to do anything. Sort of depressed. Only today did it dawn on me that I've been feeling this way since about the time he stopped nursing. I miss holding him for long times and rocking him to sleep. Now my bras, which didn't fit well in the first place, seem to be fitting worse. However, I'm not experiencing any pain or discomfort like you hear women suffer who abruptly stop nursing.

Well, I'm gonna try to get myself out of this slump and hope that it starts to go away. I just don't feel like doing anything at all. Not even logging on to Facebook and checking all my messages. I don't really feel like doing all the stuff I normally feel like doing. I've only been doing them out of pure habit. I'd much rather lay around in bed or sit quietly in my chair, not reading, not drawing, not doing much of any thing at all. I'm pretty certain now that the severe mood shifts Chase and I are experiencing is because of weaning.

Well, holding and cuddling my boy should help with the growing up blues. My lil' guy is growing up ;D He'll be wiping his own butt soon! Cross my fingers!

pumping

By the time Julius was 6 months I was already having to occasionally supplement breastmilk with formula in his bottles because I wasn't pumping enough at work (though he would exclusively get breastmilk in the afternoons, evenings and weekends)
But with Isabella, it looks like my body already has that natural rhythm and I'm able to pump 2-3 bottles a day during my work hours. I'm pretty proud of that feat and I'm thrilled that at 4 months, Isabella has only drank breastmilk. I'm hoping this continues!

Mommy Art

Being a mom has been inspiring for me as an artist. (though I don't have as much time to draw as I'd like). Here is self portrait of me feeding my son.


Nurture by ~GillianIvy on deviantART

A Lungful

Always seem to find yet another article supporting extended breastfeeding. Chase is now over 2 years old, and I'm still breastfeeding him. Now it's down to only 2-4 times per day, usually just before nap/bedtime, and maybe a snack. Some nights he might go to bed without it, but others, he wakes up in the middle of the night to feed. But his general appetite fluctuates a lot too. Some days, he'll eat like a bird, others he'll eat heartily.

Well, here's the latest article on the benefits of breastfeeding on the long-term scale. Lung capacity studies show children who breastfed atleast 4 months stronger than children who were bottlefed, regardless if bottlefeeding was breastmilk or formula. The suckling act proves a better lung exercise.

Despite what others think of me giving extended feeding to my son, I feel confident that I'm doing the right and natural thing. He's a happy child, and I'm a happy mom. Allowing him to wean himself will let him assert his independence and let him know that his opinion matters. I try to be responsive to my son when he talks to me, and being responsive when he wants to nurse is just as important. I could never let him "cry-it-out", nor will I deny him when he wants feeding. I'm hoping he will choose to wean soon, as I'd like to have my body back (somewhat) like it was before.

In a small way, it is depressing to look in the mirror and see how poorly my clothes fit me and how much weight I've gained. After he is done nursing, I may try dieting. Because my breasts are so large, I feel unattractive because I do not have the proper support in these nursing bras. I'm hoping my breasts will go down in size a bit. It's depressing to think they might be this big forever.... I'd almost consider breast reduction.

Moms Rising Petition

I just signed the Statement of Support for Breastfeeding Mothers, and I hope you will too. Why? Well, doctors agree that breastmilk is best for infants, but their own licensing board isn't following doctor's orders. Sophie Currier recently learned that when it comes to supporting breastfeeding, many of our leaders--whether they are in the medical establishment (as in Sophie's case), business sector, or elsewhere--still don't "walk the talk." You see, Sophie was denied breast pumping breaks during her nine hour medical licensing exam. She's not alone. Even in this day and age when the medical evidence is clear that breastfeeding is best for infants, women are regularly denied the time and location to pump.

JOIN ME IN SUPPORTING THE BREASTFEEDING PROMOTION ACT! Sign the Statement of Support for breastfeeding moms everywhere now: "Healthcare professionals inform us that breastfeeding is the best possible way to ensure that babies thrive. In turn, we must ensure that breastfeeding mothers are able to breastfeed, and given the time and environment to pump at work or during other professional obligations." Congress and the National Board of Medical Examiners (NBME) need to hear that breastfeeding must be supported for all moms, and that we support the Breastfeeding Promotion Act which is currently before Congress.

*To sign the Statement of Support for breastfeeding moms, just go to: Breastfeeding Petition

After you sign the Statement of Support, please forward this email to friends and family so they can sign on as well!

STAND WITH SOPHIE, JANEE, AND MOTHERS ACROSS THE NATION! Women like Janee McConnell could also use the Breastfeeding Promotion Act. Janee worked in a grocery store that had a health consciousness she admired. She was such a committed employee that she rose to a management job quickly and was called a "rock star" by the other employees. After her third child was born, she tried to pump at work but there was no private place to go other than a dirty, windowless electrical room. When her milk supply dropped she spoke up but store management was unsympathetic. She resigned from her management position and eventually from the store all together.

Frankly, we all lose when we don't support mothers--businesses lose excellent employees, infants lose important nutrients, and women lose needed jobs. No mom should have to choose between keeping her job and feeding her baby and protecting her own health.

SHARE YOUR STORY: Many of us mothers know personally what it's like to juggle breastfeeding babies and work. Some of us have also experienced the pain of engorgement and the risk of mastitis when feeding or pumping doesn't occur every few hours. Stories like this are common. You may even have experienced something similar yourself. *Share your story on our blog at: Moms Rising
All too often women aren't able to breastfeed their babies even though the American Academy of Pediatrics tells us it's one of the most important things we can do for a child's health. Let's send a strong message together that it's time to "walk the talk" for healthy infants and mothers.

*Don't forget to sign the Statement of Support to tell the National Board of Medical Examiners (NBME) and Congress that we want breastfeeding to be supported for all moms--and to forward this email to friends so they can sign on too. Just click here to sign on now: Petition

Thank you!

Nov. 2, 2008

Three pushes later and little Isabella was born! Big brother Julius is so excited to have a baby sister.

I'm feeling good. Nursing is going great! I have a breast pump that I'll try next month since I'll have to go back to work in Feb. and I'm taking evening classes on Thursdays in December for my re-certification.

It's so unfair that maternity leave is so short. In Canada it's for one year AND paid!! For me it's six weeks paid, and six weeks unpaid. Which is better than other jobs, I know, but it's still not fair.

Be Green!

Medela Freestyle

I used Medela when I pumped years ago, and now I see that Medela has some newer models as well as a new pump: Medela Freestyle.

It's supposed to be hands free. But does it really work? I'd love to hear some input from anyone whose tried it!!

Babycenter Community Answers

I'm not the only mom stressed about extended breastfeeding and when to wean... Please check the community answers at BabyCenter.com to hear what other moms are saying. And here was my comment on the community board.

My boyfriend has set a deadline for us to quit breastfeeding. 2 years. Only I'm not sure our son is ready. He's 21 months and showing no signs of letting up. Sometimes he'll skip nursing in the mornings and will eat plenty of snacks. He refuses cow milk, so switching him isn't working. I'm confident extended nursing is the best for him. Especially since he's only been sick once and has no known allergies. He has a good appetite, but likes to finish each meal/snack off with "feed me". The doctor gave me a odd look at 18 month visit and I was still nursing. He said nothing for or against it. I want him to be ready to wean, I don't want to force it on him. But I am ready. I enjoy this time together, but I want my body back.... -- GillianIvy

I'm seeking some feedback on this. I'm ready to quit breastfeeding, Chase isn't and Kevin is urging that we stick to the birthday deadline. Chase nurses to sleep and this presents a big problem. Throughout the night I rock him to sleep. But most nights end up sleeping in the rocking chair with him in my arms. And he rarely goes to sleep on his own no matter how tired he is. I know it's a comfort thing, but can't find any sort of lovey to replace nursing. His only other lovey is mommy's hair... He tickles his belly and ear and palm of his hands with it until he falls asleep... Weaning tips are most welcome!

Bassinet Safety Alert!!!!

Please forward this information to all mothers and would be mothers you know. This item is NOT being recalled! Later models may have the problem fixed, but older models which are already in circulation are not being recalled due to the company who purchased Simplicity disavows responsibility for items Simplicity had previously manufactured. Two babies have already died from this, so I urge you to pass this information along.

• http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08378.html (CPSC.gov information)
• Babycenter.com article.

breastfeeding saves money

Studies by Dr. Miriam Labbok, director of the breastfeeding division at Georgetown University Medical Center, indicate that the U.S. could save two to four billion dollars each year in health costs if all mothers breastfeed their newborns for at least the first three months. Here are a few more reasons to consider breastfeeding:


There is strong evidence that breastfeeding reduces the incidence of diarrhea, lower-respiratory infection, ear infections, urinary tract infections, bacterial meningitis, Crohn's Disease, colitis and other diseases (American Academy of Pediatrics).
Studies have shown that breastfed babies have significantly higher IQs (about eight points) than their formula-fed counterparts.
There may be a link to a decreased incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome among breastfed babies.
Numerous benefits to mothers include a reduced risk of ovarian and breast cancers, as well as a lower incidence of hip fractures during the post-menopausal period.

Dillema

Sigh. Chase seems to be nursing more and eating solid foods less. Maybe he's feeling he needs my attention more? Or perhaps he's not wanting the foods I feed him. We've had a restrictive budget lately, so the selection has been unvaried. If he has peanut butter and jelly one day, he will barely eat it, or reject it the next day. Any advice? He feeds so much that his stools are no longer very firm. What can I do to encourage him to eat more? Also, he requests ice cream at every meal. I think he's refusing to eat anything else....

pumps

To pump or not to pump. When I went back to work after the birth of Julius, many people figured I would just stop nursing. Instead, I pumped. I used Medela's electric pump when I was driving (red lights were rather interesting...lol) and Medela's Harmony manual pump when I had a few free minutes of time.
I nursed and pumped until Julius was two years old, and though some days the nanny had to mix formula in with the breastmilk because I hadn't been able to pump enough, I felt content that I was providing my son with the best nutrition available.

Now, with the upcoming birth of my second child, one thing that I don't need to stress about is whether or not to pump. Yes it was time-consuming, but well worth it.

Brain Child

As I sat in my lazy boy rocker nursing my son for his afternoon nap, I was thinking of something for the community of nursing moms. I started on the thought because I don't get to go out very much. Partly due to lack of transportation, but also because of the fact that I'm the only breastfeeding mom in the little town I live in. There's plenty of other moms with young babies, my boyfriend's cousins, all within walking distance. But I don't really know them and don't socialize with them. Which makes me feel Chase is missing out on the socializing that most babies his age would get.

So I thought how great it would be to have a place where I could socialize with other nursing moms, in public. And nurse in public as well. I'm very much pro NIP, but only do that in the car, as my son is very easily distracted and most stores do not have an area for sitting down. I was pleased to discover that Babies R' Us has a Mother's room area beside the restrooms. I haven't used it yet, but next time, I will.

So here's my idea. A small strip mall or bazaar where all the shops are geared towards parenting and pregnancy with many comfortable places to nurse. Perhaps even an enclosed play park with comfortable benches and a lovely garden. A lovely way nursing moms could spend the whole day, nursing at their leisure, meeting other moms and doing their shopping. There'd be cafes and clothing stores, book stores and toy stores, maybe a baby superstore or department stores aimed at children and mom's in particular. All with comfortable seating areas where moms are welcomed and encouraged to nurse their children. Also private rooms for nursing babies who prefer quiet, spaced often throughout the strip mall, and many restrooms for pregnant nursing mommies.

Course, dads would be welcomed too. The idea is to provide a place where people who are offended by public nursing won't be going. Nursing moms have the right in most states to nurse wherever they have a legal right to be. If anyone tries to kick you out of a store or public place for nursing, you can sue their friggin' pants off! Despite this, most women aren't comfortable nursing in public because of how many people would be up in arms about it.

And for the active mom, she may find nursing discouraging as she won't be able to do it any where she goes. My son has always hated formula and I'd had to mix breastmilk into it to get him to drink it at all. Besides, formula was always a major upset to his bowels, often causing constipation. Pumping is laborious and can take a month to get enough to last for a single outing. I'm sure many moms give up in part due to the lack of freedom.

I want to promote and encourage women to breastfeed. I feel if little strip malls like this, which would be in shopping districts were to pop up all over the country, I'm sure the statistics of mothers who continue to nurse for at least the first year would steadily rise. Our health care system and government agencies say they want to encourage women to breastfeed, yet there's nothing in our public buildings to accommodate for breastfeeding mothers.

I'll write more on this later. Please, feel free to share with me any ideas to get this into action or any comments you may have on this.

Pins and Needles

I'm not sure how many others have experienced this, though I read online, I think on a Babycenter.com forum, that a pins and needles sensation is fairly commonplace. To me, it was kind of painful. And after every feeding this pain would shoot through the breast I had most recently fed with. I almost wanted to give up then.

I asked my midwife what was wrong and to examine me. She said I was fine and sent me on my way. Perhaps, I hadn't properly explained the pain I was feeling. Or maybe she was just very dismissive of me. She dismissed my complaints of pain during my pregnancy that had me puking. Turned out to be gall bladder stones. Had to go to the ER to find that and they had no trouble figuring out what was wrong with me. So, I doubt my explanations were insufficient. Needless to say, she won't be my practitioner next baby!

Fortunately, I didn't have to go to the ER to figure this one out. I was worried that I might develop Mastitis, so my fears were alleviated thanks to BabyCenter. As near as I can figure, after a full nursing in which the hind milk is eaten as well I would experience this. Sometimes, when he fell to sleep still vigorously nursing, I would feel it before he'd finished and know I'd need to detach and switch sides. If he only had a quick snack, then I'd not have any problems. So I figure it's the stimulation of having been emptied.

To ease this, I found a deep tissue massage seemed to do the trick, or warm compress. I wish I had known about this beforehand so I wouldn't have been so worried that something was wrong. Well, I hope this information can benefit other mothers experiencing the same.

To me it was very excruciating in the beginning. I'm very well endowed and that might be a factor as to why it hurt so much. Others described pins and needles, but it is unlike your foot falling asleep type of pins and needles. That'd be weird... I think it was more like REAL pins and needles!

Knowing that my son was getting the benefit of my hind milk definitely helped me tolerate this. I still get it every now and then, when he eats more thoroughly. Some days he feeds more and others he eats more snacks and such. No real signs of weaning yet! It's still about every 2 hours for a feeding or snacking. Or snack n' napping!

Birth Announcement

Congratulations go out to my dear friend Geri who is celebrating the birth of her little girl, Ava Rose. Ava Rose White was born on April 13th at 9:50pm. She is 7lbs 5.5 oz, 19.5 inches long. Please give Geri some love! This is her third child, each has been an incredible blessing in her life. I'm happy for you, Hun!